aiyaiska

i want to move on... he he he he

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aiyaiska

"The one that you love or the one who loves you?" is a derivative of heart versus mind now that I come to think about it. It got me thinking because a good friend of mine, who bought me a Starbucks' Frap a while ago (Thank you! Bawi na lang ako next time! Wink!), was telling me about the debate he had with officemates while they were drinking after work today. Question is which side am I in?

    I do promote that we should think with our minds and feel with our hearts. In practice, I'm trying so hard to follow what I preach. I'm still at the trying part. Back then I never really thought about it at all. I was so caught up and just let my heart dictate my action. I'm not saying that one should stop oneself from feeling what she/he feels. Allow yourself to feel. Be angry when you're angry. No one should dictate what you should feel. But you must entail a great of thinking when you act on the things you do. Since we are rational beings we can discern what we should and shouldn't do and think about its consequences. We are not a being who acts on impulse because if you do then what do we have our brain for. We have brains think!

    Sad thing though, even if we know the consequences of our actions we still go ahead on doing things we know which are futile like trying to maintain a certain relationship (not romantic of course) with someone who we love dearly who is unfortunately very much in love with someone else (your friend even) when this person (the one who you unfortunately love) is taking you for granted, hurting you, insensitive and dishonest (Drama! ha ha ha ha). Anyways, I have a good head over my shoulders and I never want anyone giving me CRAP! (Wah  galit na!) I don't deserve it and I won't ever tolerate it. (Sheesh! I was even determined to sue the school who gave us crap! He he he he he). I tell you people never take crap from anyone. Say OUCH when it hurts. Say STOP when you had enough.

aiyaiska

It takes a toll on someone when you do not do as you say. It's hard to lose a habit of giving out empty promises and precisely this is what you have done. As a consolation, you did pretty amazing stuff too but that will fall short if we put it side by side with your failures. You told me before you fail me. You did and you have. But I never felt a stinging sensation before that you did it to displease me. But it does now. Maybe it's just that I cannot take it anymore and I'm weak and impatient. You told me to wait and I waited and waited and waited. Your waiting game is over and you're not going to put me in the dark anymore. You have always want to regard me as a stranger and that I will become. No more than someone you chanced upon the street, had a few laughs and talks, and forgot in a week. I'm doomed to find most my affairs as fleeting as what we had. You're my constant, constant punisher. You might have an idea how you hurt me and you do and you don't care. Your 'I love you's are empty. They're mere words. I hate myself for loving you and I want to stay inverted for a long time to prevent my tears from rolling down my cheeks. I've told many people many times I've started killing what I feel for you from the time I realized it. I wasn't successful in my feat. How I hate myself and how I hate you! My body don't want to function and my brain in shambles with all the thoughts of you. I tried to read, and I finished a whole book again. I tried to drink, I never got myself too drunk to forget. I tried to write, as you see all I write is about you. Knowing myself, it would be easy to get rid of you. I've tried to forget a lot of things or at least put them in the remotest part of my memory. They do haunt me as you will too. But that's the only way. I'm trying to survive and this is my method. Mckee told me before, "No one forget they just move on." True, true! He's one of the people in the dark recessess of my memory. But he lingers, you see. And like him, I know you will too. And for that I hate you.

aiyaiska

Woah! I didn't know I had that many blogs and URLs until today. And my mission today is that all will be connected with each other, most specially the blogs.

Here's a link to my GEOCITIES account which I haven't updated in years!

aiyaiska

You never keep your promises. I helped you and I tried to be a good friend and this is what I get from it? You know how much I needed it and you told me that you'd give it back this weekend. Promises, promises. What's this I hear?! You're in Tarlac! You must have a floricking and having fun! Lots and lots! And I am going nuts here thinking about you; why you're not replying to my messages; why you cancel my call everytime I do; why you're not here with me now. It's obvious, you don't care.

I'm promising myself that I won't let you use me again. I won't. My heart may be on your side bat she's not going to win this time. I've had enough. You've hurt me enough.

All these?! My fault. I trusted you. I trusted you even if I didn't know you. I believed your stories about your great love for her and I fell in a deep pit and it sucks. I am climbing my way up again and I won't try to carry you on my back. I am tired.

aiyaiska

Sometimes you just have to let things go. A story has a beginning and it has an end. Forever is just fiction. Many have told us that but we are stubborn and believe in world of fantasies.

Let go. Open your hands and embrace emptiness. It's that simple.